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Cassandra and the Aspie: Marriage and Asperger's Syndrome. First, I explain that certain characteristics are central to Aspergers syndrome. This lack of intimacy and understanding may lead to low marital satisfaction. In this case, it is more accurate to say the person has co-existing conditions rather than it being a straightforward matter of Aspergers. Lonely, hurt, angry, sad, misunderstood, isolated, desperate. Both partners need to be willing to learn and change their behaviors. The advantages of having an accurate, reliable diagnosis of Aspergers are many. Just as often other people, in researching Aspergers symptoms, believe the person coming to see me has those very characteristics and therefore must have Aspergers. These are common feelings in couples where one or both spouses have Autism Spectrum Disorder. It is hard to make a neurotypical-Aspergian (NT-AS) relationship work. The Asperger Couple's Workbook: Practical Advice and Activities for Other people, once they are aware that the person has Aspergers are often able to be more accepting and supportive. Click below to ask a question or schedule an appointment. In addition, whereas Aspergers occurs early in the persons life, OCD develops later in life. It only inflames existing resentments and increases resistance to change. I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. Cassandra Syndrome - What is it? How Do I Get Help? Research has shown growing evidence for a connection between Aspergers and ADHD. The inability to have a satisfying emotional connection leaves neurotypical partners believing something is wrong with them. Often, people tell me when we meet to discuss an Aspergers evaluation that the symptoms of Aspergers they have seen, usually online, match what they notice in themselves. Other professionals may take different steps but I have a clear-cut procedure that I go through when asked to assess Aspergers. In the meantime, I wanted to write about this According to widely-quoted statistics, somewhere between 1 in a 100 and 1 in a 250 people have Asperger's Syndrome. Sensitivity, Not Empathy, Is the Autism Spectrum Disorder Problem. After promising to be his lover in return, Cassandra later went back on her promise, and the enraged Apollo cast a curse on her that while she could see the future accurately no one would believe her prophecies. I am different. I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. I am a good and interesting person. I will take pride in myself. I am capable of getting along with society. I will ask for help when I need it. I am a person who is worthy of others respect and acceptance. I will find a career interest that is well suited to my abilities and interests. I will be patient with those who need time to understand me. I am never going to give up on myself. I will accept myself for who I am. I will describe the types of information that is sought in an assessment for Aspergers and how that information is collected. The phrase, He wears his heart on his sleeve, does not make sense to me. NT women especially tend to want their partners to understand them and their feelings. She was diagnosis with Aspergers syndrome in 1999. Your email address will not be published. It cannot be only a matter of one person being wholly at fault. Narrow, repetitive behaviors and interests. Asperger's is a neurodevelopmental disorder. Spouses with Asperger's can initially meet a need within the relationships and these traits can often be seen as attractive. Are there disadvantages to a diagnosis of Aspergers? Accommodations can be requested and a rationale can be provided based on a known diagnosis. Cassandra syndrome is when the NT spouse knows something is different about their spouse and their relationship - but no one believes her (it's usually a NT wife) that her relationship is unlike other relationships - including therapists, who may try techniques that may work in a NT-NT marriage but are not effective in a AP-NT marriage - so she . One husband observed: My wife is highly intelligent and quite competent in her field. There is a big difference in how adults with ADHD use language compared to adults with Aspergers. I will describe the types of information that is sought in an assessment for Aspergers and how that information is collected. Similarly, having a diagnosis of Aspergers may lead others to assume the person will never be able to be as successful in life as neurotypical people. Often people answer these questions based on what they know about Aspergers, theyve read or been told about it, or what they imagine it is, and what they are indicating in their answers is not a accurate reflection of the characteristics they actually have. It helps when that evidence is available but it is not critical. It is difficult for me to understand how other people are feeling when we are talking. I have had many cases where I was able to conclude with confidence whether the person had Aspergers without seeing one single piece of written evidence about that persons past. In other words, you . Buy Dealing with Trust Issues by David Joseph from Waterstones today! Adults with ADHD tend to process sensory input in a typical manner. I will accept myself for who I am. They get distracted easily and jump from one interest or activity to another. In this chapter, I will explain how the process of diagnosing someone for Aspergers is usually carried out, both in general terms and the specific way I undertake a diagnosis. I realize that I have only scratched the surface here. In that thread, NT's and Aspie's can both post questions they have about different points of view from the AS side of things, and from the NT side of things. Valid Reasons for "Obsessions" and "Repetitive Behaviors" in - YouTube There are many successful Aspie-Aspie marriages and Aspie-NT marriages. It is often the case that a person seeking an evaluation does not have any documentation, formal or informal, that is relevant to the assessment process. Because Aspergers is a condition that exists at or before birth, clues about the presence of Aspergers are found in the history of the persons childhood. What therapy is best for adults who have Autism Spectrum Disorder? A Call for New Measures of Aspergers and Schizotypy. The most basic elements of speaking and hearing are the most important issues that AS-NT couples may have. On the other hand, in combination with other signs of Aspergers, not noticing how people respond in conversations, could be a significant confirmation of an Aspergers diagnosis. Examples of these are insisting on inflexible routines, eating the same foods daily, brushing teeth the same way, following the same route every day, repeatedly rejecting changes in ones life style, being either very reactive or hardly reactive at all to changes in ones environment like indifference to temperature changes, hypersensitivity to sounds, fascination with lights or movement. Feeling confused/bewildered. I'm really struggling with my marriage at the moment (if you look at my other posts you'll realise why). Empathy is the bedrock of a happy marriage. It can support the idea that the person has genuine difficulties arising from a real, legitimate condition. She was diagnosis with Aspergers syndrome in 1999. Again, screening questionnaires are designed to identify potential cases of Aspergers syndrome but they are not a substitute for a thorough diagnostic assessment. Persons with AS/ASD are good at masking their disability by role playing and copying other's behavior. An individual with AS has challenges understanding or predicting the consequences of his/her behavior on others. Brain imaging and studies of the brain structure show similarities between the two disorders. Contents 1 Claims against autistic people If your answer is Yes to any of these questions, this book is for you. Cassandra and the Aspie: Marriage and Asperger's Syndrome A diagnosis is most assured when the signs of Aspergers are present in the person all the time, they have an obvious effect on the persons ability to be successful in life, and dont vary much. They are the type of person that is others think of as the typical loner.. When someone with Bipolar Disorder is in a manic state or depressed they may not interact socially as they might if they were feeling normal, they might be withdrawn, lack much emotional response to situations in their life and lose interest in relationships but the changes in their emotional condition is much different than people with Aspergers. London: Sage Publications. Most require the respondent to indicate whether he or she agrees with a statement related to Aspergers. In the workplace and in educational settings, a diagnosis of Aspergers can provide access to helpful resources and support that might otherwise not have been available. On the other hand, people with Aspergers tend to focus on only one activity at a time, and they focus on that activity intensely with little regard for anything else going on around them. Are there disadvantages to a diagnosis of Aspergers? The advantages of having an accurate, reliable diagnosis of Aspergers are many. These are common feelings in couples where one or both spouses have Autism Spectrum Disorder. Couples Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples (Asperger's) - HarryMotro There is a big difference in how adults with ADHD use language compared to adults with Aspergers. Perhaps you are a spouse wondering if your partner has Aspergers, a friend, acquaintance or colleague of someone you suspect has it, or perhaps you wonder if you might have it yourself. Romantic Relationships for Young Adults With Asperger's Syndrome and I was particularly appreciative of the compassion that Dr. Roberson shows for the patient with this disorder., This would be a good first book for someone who wants to learn more about Aspergers Syndrome (AS). Still others silently pray or say phrases to reduce anxiety or prevent a dreaded future event while others will put objects in a certain order or arrange things perfects in order to reduce discomfort. Yes, but the list is shorter than the list of advantages. Aston, M. (2009). I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. It very well might be that some other condition is the real problem or, more likely, two or more conditions are overlapping. There are more effective ways of resolving differences. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? They have little interest in their usual activities, have little appetite, sleep more than usual, are slowed down, have difficulty concentrating and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. Married with Undiagnosed ASD: Why Women Who Leave Lose Twice They are hyper-focused rather than unfocused. Hes unable to make obvious inferences in a conversation, instead insisting that others are not being clear. Most importantly, Aspergers is a form of autism whereas people with SPD have a neurotypical brain and have developed into a personality of extreme introversion and emotional detachment. Damage to ones self-esteem as a result of disapproval, ridicule, discrimination and rejection is possible when knowledge of an Aspergers diagnosis is disseminated. Of course, it is possible that people in someones life will react to the diagnosis of Aspergers by alienating themselves from that person. Tutoring reports, evaluations of group activities, personal diaries, family recordings and other such records often provide valuable insights about the likelihood of Aspergers. "Venting" and "Problem-Solving" Are Two Events That Can't - YouTube Aspergers (also referred to as high-functioning autism or ASD level 1) is a subtle, almost paradoxical, disorder that seems to adversely affect men slightly more than women. A noticeable characteristic of someone with SPD is their difficulty expressing anger, even when they are directly provoked. For the AS person, reconsider your perception of your partner and of yourself. They may hear a difference of opinion, or an attempt to explain a different perspecitve about a situation, as conflict or a criticism of who they are. I will answer the question of how accurate a diagnosis is, the confidence one can have in a diagnosis of Aspergers and I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a diagnosis. If, on the other hand, the person engages in limited back-and-forth communication, attempts to make friends in odd and typically unsuccessful ways, and is not especially interested in reaching out to others, a diagnosis of Aspergers could be considered but not assured. AS adults often may have a very difficult time hearing negative emotions expressed by their partner. Because Aspergers is a condition that exists at or before birth, clues about the presence of Aspergers are found in the history of the persons childhood. Belittling your accomplishments 4. It advocates for discrimination against autistic people in custody cases, and its members seem to believe that autistic people should not be allowed to have families at all. Clear evidence that these characteristics are not caused by low intelligence or broad, across-the-board delays in overall development. They can consider what other people are thinking much easier than adults with Aspergers and they participate in the give-and-take of social interactions more readily. Dream on..it may simply make him or her even more resistant/oppositional in order to save face and protect. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Relationships, Living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Assessment of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Treatment of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). The difference is that people with Aspergers do not view these behaviors are unwelcomed. Living With a Spouse Who Has Asperger's Syndrome - Marriage They show little remorse for the consequence of their actions and tend to be indifferent to the hurt they have caused others. What Everybody Ought to Know About Aspergers and Marriage Change is not possible unless the problem is first agreed upon and consented to. Coping With a Partner's Asperger's Syndrome - Everyday Health Blaming you. Cassandra was a princess in Greek mythology. People with Aspergers think through their actions more carefully. People with ADHD often try to do multiple activities at the same time. as someone living with Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of autism, in an effort to help others with the disease learn to cope and thrive. The results might suggest that it makes sense to investigate further if enough criteria are present to indicate a diagnosis of Aspergers. The only hope for a successful marriage is to understand and accept the reality of these differences. Communication is impaired, emotional and physical intimacy suffer, misunderstandings accumulate, and the bonds that keep the marriage together steadily erode. They frequently lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical and contemptuous of the feelings, rights and suffering of others. These usually arent temporary, unfortunately, but they can change with proper care and attention. Others repeat behaviors or say names or phrases over and over hoping to guard against some unknown harm. I feel very comfortable with dating or being in social situations with others. Genetic studies suggest the two disorders share genetic risk factors, and studies of the incidence and distribution of both conditions confirm that many people with Aspergers have symptoms of ADHD and vice versa. Do you think "venting" will change your spouse? Diagnoses are most valid and accurate when they are based on multiple sources of information. Second, in doing some research for this article, I found a site called Aspires: Climbing the Mountain Together. I am alone in my experience with nowhere to turn to for understanding. An example is previous medical reports documenting signs of early language delays and/or peculiarities, coordination problems, behavioral difficulties or unusual physical problems. A person is diagnosed based on the signs and symptoms he or she has rather than the results of a specific laboratory or other type of test. Asperger Syndrome - A Love Story - Sarah Hendrickx 2007-06-15 Open, honest and upbeat, this book gives personal . Available doctors, insurances and verified patient reviews for Cassandra Richards, LMFT. School reports might indicate past social and emotional difficulties, along with academic tendencies, that could be relevant to any indications of Aspergers syndrome. Little or too much detail is included in conversation, and there is difficulty in recognizing when the listener is interested or bored. I will find a career interest that is well suited to my abilities and interests. How I Survive An Asperger's Marriage. (Willey 2001. p. 164). Other people, once they are aware that the person has Aspergers are often able to be more accepting and supportive. London: Jessica Kingsley. One in two-hundred and fifty people has Asperger's Syndrome. People with ADHD will do things without considering the outcome of their actions. Acceptance by friends and family members is more likely. Athlete PM. Gleaned from my years of working with ASD couples, here are the essential steps to make that success a reality. In her 2001 book, Aspergers Syndrome in the Family: Redefining Normal in the Family, she wrote the following self-affirmation pledge for those with Aspergers syndrome. Hence a thorough understanding of early social, emotional, family, academic and behavioral experiences are essential to the diagnostic process. Liane Holliday Willey is an educator, author and speaker. Damage to ones self-esteem as a result of disapproval, ridicule, discrimination and rejection is possible when knowledge of an Aspergers diagnosis is disseminated. There are a couple of resources I want to share with you, so that you and/or your partner can gain better understanding for each other's world. People with Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) avoid social relationships and prefer to spend time alone. Original. ASPIRES is an on-line resource for spouses and family members of adults diagnosed or suspected to be on the autistic spectrum. This book specifically addresses the touchy issues of sex, rage, divorce and shame and gives a glimpse of the "inner workings" of these relationships. My ASD Child: Living with an Aspergers Spouse Along with these thoughts are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in order to reduce stress or to prevent something bad from happening. Acceptance of the diagnosis can be an important stage in the development of successful adult intimate relationships. My partner says she has Cassandra Syndrome. What should I do? They confuse behaviors that may be appropriate in one setting from those that are appropriate in another, so that they often act in appropriate for the situation they are in. Executive Functioning in Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Living With The Stigma Of Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder, Advantages And Disadvantages Of An Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis In Adulthood. I want to find out about the persons significant relationships, whether they are friends, work colleagues, spouse or partner, children or anyone else with whom the person interacts regularly. Surprisingly, when friends and acquaintances heard her say this, they acted as if she was describing someone they didnt know. Dealing with Trust Issues by David Joseph | Waterstones Understanding why she chose her partner with AS is an important step toward becoming self-aware and making changes in her own behavior. Could Autism/ASD Be a Cause of Your Relationship Difficulties? They tend to be irritable and aggressive and to get into physical fights or commit acts of physical assault (including spousal or child beating). An example is previous medical reports documenting signs of early language delays and/or peculiarities, coordination problems, behavioral difficulties or unusual physical problems. Along with these thoughts are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in order to reduce stress or to prevent something bad from happening. Are you looking for a reference guide about Aspergers in adults? Lots of people dont pay much attention to whether people are listening to them, but that doesnt mean they have Aspergers. People with OCD have better social skills, empathy and social give and take than those with Aspergers. I was particularly appreciative of the compassion that Dr. Roberson shows for the patient with this disorder., This would be a good first book for someone who wants to learn more about Aspergers Syndrome (AS). Contact Us @ Pain Resource. Others repeat behaviors or say names or phrases over and over hoping to guard against some unknown harm. Whether it is one spouse or both who have Autism Spectrum Disorder, is it crucial to accept as legitimate the concerns expressed by the other spouse. We work with what we have, and a diagnosis, either way, doesnt depend upon any one piece of the assessment process. When she asks for clarification or a little sympathy, he becomes defensive because he knows he has good intentions and he resents the pressure. In this chapter, I will explain how the process of diagnosing someone for Aspergers is usually carried out, both in general terms and the specific way I undertake a diagnosis.

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