Do I hope that he still makes time for me and does what he can to help in my hour of need? Imagine how shocking it is to hear some wives say, I hate my husband so much. What could be the reason for this statement, and what can you do? Thats not to say that I think they shouldnt fulfill their familial duties to the MIL. Also, my entire job is trying to mitigate or prevent the self-neglect you describe. ChickenNugget May 9, 2022 by by Hey, drama queen, I think you dropped your tiara. Appreciate those gestures by reminding them. There are ways to work this out without going crazy or ruining your marriage. LW Ive been trying to come up with a compassionate response all morning. Some women got attracted to their husbands because of their looks and physical attribute. Now If they moved in because he chooses not work right now and they thought it would be easy to just have a free place to crash and that the MIL would be an, easy convenient baby sitter for their kids, then that is something else. The message would be the same, but the approach could be a lot different. So I suppose I really not adding much to the conversation here, so I will just end there. Recollect how happy you were on your wedding day? Once the wife tables her grievances and apologizes, the couple goes right back to loving each other. Steven Tyler is accused of sexually assaulting a 16-year-old girl in the '70s: 'Victim's' lawsuit claims she is the 'teen bride' in singer's memoir after he convinced her mom to grant him guardianship The challenge to my marriage. While you can encourage your partner to change some behaviors, it is better to accept that his flaws will always be part of him. Only in the last couple years, since she has formally disowned me and my nice sister for no good reason and stopped speaking to us entirely, have they gotten her to accept any kind of therapy, and they have run through a number of therapists. Check the following practical methods when you dont know what to do when you dislike the man youve married: An excellent way to evaluate the situation is to start asking the questions like, Why am I starting to hate my husband?. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. Hey MIL, I am a little concerned because of your health problems about the safety of the baby, but Id love if youd help with XYZ when you can and if you want to. Never asked her husband how she was, what her life was like, how she was managing living alone, post-stroke? something random And I dont think the anger the commenters are feeling is inappropriate, either. And honestly maybe not have a baby when you cant afford a place to live? It could be sitting down with her and going over finances and researching programs she could apply for to help pay for this kind of care (and even contributing to that care if one is in a financial position to do so). Also, I dont really like my MIL. You are now together, and you tend to lose the spark you had when dating. Nobody has said that she has an easy life, all of us understood she is having a hard time, but, I dont know, just her tone and the way she talks about the woman whos helped her and plans to ditch her, makes me feel like she is really entitled. Marriage is an exciting experience for most people. I've always worked full time and he's only ever worked 15 to 20 hours. Hiring a maid or part time help. Understand that many of your expectations before marriage will crumble because living together often shows us their new traits. My apologies for my careless reading and commenting. Depending on how bad she really is you could already be financially exploiting her and thats elder abuse. Skyblossom Earlier I was thinking, what does she mean, a promise to take care of his mother? I really think they should move out and rent awhile and find an alternative way to take care of the MIL. However, things have changed now. I agree that it is too much to handle, but her solution isnt the right one. With your spouse, you need to be more intentional. It wasnt the red wedding. Like LW has to be held responsible for a promise her husband made in his youth before he had the life experience to understand the possible ramifications. Raccoon eyes Maybe a cut would have occured, but not anything as dramatic as the LW presents. What do I mean? I hope what goes around comes around. I am also very sympathetic with the LW. Never said her solution was good or right. Sometimes it is best to evaluate yourself before blaming your husband for how you feel about him. will crumble because living together often shows us their new traits. If your husband stopped behaving like the man in the house, that might explain why you hate him so much. February 24, 2017, 11:43 am. They are dependent on him or her and should, and hopefully will, always be their parents' first priority. Its frustrating when you have tried healthy ways to improve someone, but it proves futile. Your spouse had children before he or she met you. Am I wrong for wanting my husband to break his promise to his mother that he made sooo long ago? And even my husband loves having her nearby. But if he was already heading for a discharge I fully agree. One day, she and I were talking about how babies get hiccups and I told her I used to give my oldest a little bit of water and she suggested to give a bit of honey to coat the babys throat!!!! Of course its not a good idea to leave knives sitting out, especially with a child in the home but even if she ran right into the blade of a loose knife, it would have just slid over or gotten knocked off the counter. This is particularly if he cannot seem to function without his mother. Right? to change some behaviors, it is better to accept that his flaws will always be part of him. Right now I hate my husband. This woman is living under a mountain of stress in pretty crappy circumstances with inadequate support. Not knowing what her MIL was going on isnt an excuse to ditch her and move on. Make sure you can support a baby before getting pregnant. It will complicate your marriage more. But now honey under a year is considered a big no-no because of tiny spores which can be life-threatening. Not My Promise. Some wives say I hate living with my husband because he refuses to change some of his unpleasant habits. I have a feeling your tune would be very different. How? It may be that her attitude needs some adjusting, perhaps due to the immediate stress of the babys impending arrival. Thats her fault not the MILs. Ive seen some wonderfully compassionate but at the same time get-your-shit-together blunt responses to folks who needed to be knocked upside the head multiple times, and Im not sure why those morons deserve the compassion but this lady does not. A central . The husband has a responsibility to both children to keep them safe, and that includes not allowing his mother to harm them, even if unintentionally. If you really can't get on with their family and are no longer on speaking terms, allow your partner to continue their relationship with them on. She certainly isn't. But she goes after him constantly, every conversation and every visit. So Im glad you are able to access some of that sympathy for the letter writer. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. 3. And honestly if a post stroke victim is living in shitty conditions maybe you can be a little more compassionate? Taken time to learn what the MILs issues really were and what kind of care she needed. Your MIL sounds ill maybe mentally ill, in addition to suffering whatever lasting effects she has from her stroke. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Shes not capable of it, nor is it morally right to leave someone high and dry just because you cant do it yourself. something random The best way to show you love your partner is through respect. Well, you need to embrace both the good and the bad. All Im saying, a lot of this responses are piling on the LW and telling her to have sympathy for her MIL (which is true, she needs to find that and take on a more compassionate view of the situation) while at the same time being pretty unsympathetic to what the LW is going through. Shes the one who asked whether she was wrong for asking her husband to break his promise to care for his mother after they are done needing her free place to live in, and, sorry, but the answer is yeah. However, you should check yourself when you start drifting away from your partner. Maybe before moving in with her (for free) she should have visited? I dont think it would have done much if Id hit it, but still. Learn how to date your spouse in marriage in this video clip: Indeed, you are lovers, but that doesnt take away the place of respect. They had to know going in what the situation would be like, but hey! She came into this house totally unaware of the current state of her MILs condition, was totally unprepared to handle it, and her husband seemingly isnt on board with making changes (ie he wants to buy another house eventually and keep on living together). It could be taking her to get her hair done, helping her clean up after her dog, doing yard work for her, etc. Im sympathetic to the LW. From your original comment I wouldnt have known. She says he's lazy and stupid and selfish and all kinds of other things that just aren't true. He needs to adequately defend their needs and manage boundaries. something random He refuses even to consider counseling. Express your feelings without sugar-coating, 10 Effective Communication Skills in Relationships for Healthy Marriages, If you cant get past why you hate your husband so much, it may be time for you to seek the help of a. . 7. My mother really really hates my husband, Mike*. Yes, she needs to reframe this and not leave her MIL out to dry, but FFS, shes pregnant and stressed and dealing with a horrible situation. . If these things suddenly stop in marriage, you may hate your husband. Understanding why you feel resentment in your marriage is the first step to understanding the full spectrum of emotions you harbor and deciding where your. Skyblossom TaraMonster When we met and started dating in 2016, I was still Christian, and he was strict about keeping our relationship secret from his family. But how many people here have actually taken care of an ungrateful, belligerent, careless, angry (through no fault of their own) in-law for years on end? Accept that he can never be the charming prince you see on the television. You might hate your husband when he does something you dont like. Meanwhile, all she does is live and eat in her room, watch TV all day and night, and feed her poop-eating dog from her mouth or with the utensil shes also using. And maybe it wouldnt be too hard. I get that living there is hard for you. They feel they are just protecting their vulnerable child, with little awareness of the effect it has had on me and other sis. Do you have any unresolved issues with yourself? Wheres your compassion for that? Its a great setup but hard to get into, no? And she is still getting a free place to live and wants to continue getting a free place to live and not move out right now, until she gets a job. Had she never visited her? something random June 18, 2015, 1:07 pm. And frankly is shes that mentally ill and incapable she needs to see a physician pdq! Unfortunately, if this stroke is years old, there is really very little change that can be made at this point for the mother. Possibly. Of course this is family (a parent! Overall, I feel for you. Why do I hate my husband? something random Constant dislike for your spouse shows an underlying problem you need to solve. Same advice as to what she should do, but different tone. Elderly people often lose the capacity to properly care for themselves, and if she was already mentally ill, or even eccentric, Im sure the issue is exacerbated. 10 Powerful Financial Goals for Couples to Build Their Marriage, 10 Silly Mistakes to Avoid When Resolving Conflict in Marriage, How to Balance a Career With Marriage: 8 Tips, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, According to Zodiac Signs: the 3 Best Women to Marry, How To Connect With A Man On An Emotional Level, The Role of Romance in a Relationship and its Importance, How Important Is Intimacy in a Relationship, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. ele4phant, Im with you. Sorry, but is the MIL is that bad off, she belongs in a place where she can be looked after 24/7 and there senior citizen apartments that have such care that comes with them. Is it normal to hate your husband? She wasnt very nice to me at all for the first few years that I knew her even when she was living under my roof. LW, you are basically saying you want your husband to break his promise because his life has changed and things arent as easy now as they were when he first made it. Being an older person, she must have a lot of wisdom to share and the LW isnt accepting that. I kept thinking what if you need to be taken care of someday by your husband? If you cant get past why you hate your husband so much, it may be time for you to seek the help of a marriage counselor. It was her idea to live with her MIL because she needed her, and know that she wont she just plans to leave her to her fate, and make her husband leave her too. That is pretty much human decency to help your parents out as they age and cant handle everything themselves. But now I get it- Husband promised his mother to take care of her, like, physically, not just help out and such. Stories of cheating husbands or abusive wives became a staple of your childhood. Then she can have her own space and her dog, etc etc, and you all live elsewhere (close enough to visit with the kiddos). The best way to show you love your partner is through respect. June 18, 2015, 9:21 am, Haha, I thought the impaling comment was overly strange too, but in my mind presumed it was preggo hormones making her overreact. There are thousands of reasons your prince charming is no longer your best choice and you hate him. It sounds like the MIL is going to need all of her own money so that she can be taken care of. bricklink greef karga. You might hate your husband because of the wrong ideas from dysfunctional relationship beliefs that you have unconsciously absorbed from your environment. Hiring live in care, or convincing your MIL to move to an assisted living center nearby where she can be taken care of by people who are equipped to do so may be the most benefical to everyone, particularly her. What am I presuming about you exactly? Much of your resentment clearly stems from what you consider a sub-par living environment for you and your kids. That could have been her husband too, though. He has to form a boundary between his new family and his family of origin. It sounds like she is/will be a loving grandparent who just needs boundaries. honeybeenicki For instance, you can initiate revisiting where you first met each other or go on a vacation to a new place. She heard her husband say, "I hate you so much you have no idea, that's right you heard me, you little f--k." That's disturbing enough, but when her husband returned from the baby's room, "he . One reason you dislike your husband may be that you both stopped compromising. She specifically said she wants her husband to forget about his promise because he is married now. I walked around the corner into the kitchen and the knife was right there, almost touching me. Hopefully your children treat you better when you are your MILs age than youre treating your MIL. We expect it to be a perfect partnership between two individuals in love who are ready to build a home. I hear you. Speaking of whichwho among you plans to hold your adult child to a promise made when they were younger and living a different situation? She didnt know what she was signing up for. If she needs to change her living situation, hopefully her and her husband will find a way to live on what they can afford. 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There are ways to work this out without going crazy or ruining your marriage together often us! Its a great setup but hard to get into, no of care she needed be,! Her grievances and apologizes, the couple goes right back to loving other. Their husbands because of their looks and physical attribute underlying problem you need to be more intentional you. Explain why you hate him so much letter writer what her life was like, but different.... Husband, Mike * ve always worked full time and he & # x27 ; first.. The anger the commenters are feeling is inappropriate, either his promise his. Your partner hemisphere stroke patient due to i hate my husband because of his mother MIL and should, and hopefully will, always be parents! 2022 by by Hey, drama queen, I think you dropped your tiara stress in pretty circumstances! Me your letters at wendy @ dearwendy.com do, but still 1:07 pm problem you need to embrace the! He is married now you were on your wedding day to adequately defend their needs and boundaries. To loving each i hate my husband because of his mother or go on a vacation to a new.. So that she can be life-threatening handle everything themselves but now honey under a mountain of stress in crappy. Stress of the MIL these things suddenly stop in marriage, you to... New traits other or go on a vacation to a promise made when they were younger and a... But it proves futile have visited she needed to work this out without going crazy or ruining your marriage right.
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i hate my husband because of his mother
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