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She says he is trying to turn her into my mom. You have a duty and responsibility to those left behind whatever their age. It literally felt like a foreign body that antibodies were trying to flush out. My parents were married for 35 years together since 17 years old. That seems ridiculously expensive. My father never married her which does not lessen his commitment to her in any way although he uses it as an excuse for weird behavior. For me expressions such as Youll have more,There was obviously something wrong with it,At least you already have a child beggar belief. I will say, that I do believe that everyones time of grief is differentwhether its short or long. He was 91 and still healthy. I just found out that my Dad is beginning a relationship with a new lady, so I instantly came home and found this amazing website. She said that she has insecurities. The place were we went to grieve her loss. I cant respect someone who would be messing around while their spouse of many years is suffering. I dont know if my Mom would have approved of Ellen or not, but I do feel that she would not have approved of some of Ellens behavior towards me or my family. I am in 12 grade and this thing has stuck in my mind which is degrading my performance in studies. Hi They only spend week-ends together and during the week they are at their respective homes but she is now entitled to his pension. Otherwise, you need to step back. So his death was extremely sudden and we were just left in shock. The feeling that my family isnt my family anymore. There are people in the U.K who have never worked and who live in what is called council housingwhich would be social housing in the U.S Especially when you're going through your own grief. I recall one of them telling my mom he was dead upon their arrival. Its driving me crazy. Who do they call when something tears up? I make a great effort to make her feel welcomed, to make conversation with her when I call the house, etc., but it frustrates me that he refuses to see that if he would stop pushing us to have a relationship with her, our relationship with her would actually improve. For him, its not good enough that we have a nice relationship with her he wants us to be one big, happy, loving family. He absolutely is seeking your approval for his happiness he simply isnt going about it in the right way. He and my Mom did everything together and she spoiled him. Since my mother died, this is the first time she had attended one of our family gatherings. I got word through the grapevine that Ellens mother was telling her biological grandchildren that she had to treat me, my kids and my brother the same as them, blah, blah, blah. At first we were being invited to some of their family get-togethers that I politely declined as I did not feel comfortable attending them. Each time I got to the house something else was touched not bathrooms cleaned or floors cleaned or my dads clothes organized, but places my mom had stuff were rearranged. My first thought was WTF but once a selfish person always a selfish person. The women across the street lets call her Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, was very nice at first, but then after befriending a person in the neighborhood started to be mean to me, and due nasty things, such as putting silicone in my outside plugs etc. We no longer had any type to normal life didnt do anything together. All we want is to be happy and I definately do not want to replace the much older kids mom. I had a conversation with him already telling him that he should not bring his gf to our home but after a year of my moms death he seemed to forget about everything we talked about and has started allowing her to sleep in our house! What kind of person pursues the spouse of a dying person? Weakness is not an excuse and happiness is not always about ones self. They deserve to be happy. Im 23 years old and an only child. Meanwhile we had actually gotten an apartment sept 25th & moved in that weekend. My dad starts seeing a woman from his work THE NEXT friggin day, I hear them have sex the first week after mom dies, this has been very traumatizing to me and my grieving. I told him hes wrong for that. I was put in the same position and told I had to be friends with her, be nice, accept here. Is the number one destination for online dating with more I could not seem to make sense of anything that was happening in my life. Hell take a day off from her here and there because of our special request. Im the other woman in his life and as such, need to get over my mom and accept the GF because he loves her and is happy and my happiness does not matter hes the one who deserves to be happy, not me. I get emotional every time and do not how to deal with it. 2) little or no regard for your dead wifes family and their grief especially after they were there to support both of you before, during and after her illness; Having to have chemo weekly with only a few breaks in between, left her very ill during the process. the new woman wife has new clothes, a new car, purses, things my daughter never had. He is with the woman constantly. She is a horrible stupid butt who my dad even called psycho the other day yet continues to torment me with putting her shit all around my mothers moms house who of course both are dead. 4) he has been calling family members talking about how miserable he has been and that he will be getting married in the same church where he and my mother were married and moving the new wife into the house where he and my mother lived for over ten years. I have to tell you that although Britain is a first world country there are many people who see the U.S as a golden ticket. Before after a great degree of her death is required, ray magno. We both were happily married for more than 25 years and the unexpected happened to us. Mum died at 56 and would be 90 if she had lived.I have lived with this situation for so many years. Time passed, and my sister and I asked when the party would be so we could plan accordingly. All I can say is that there are many reasons why we want to date and go on with our life. I believe that we have to be aware of the family feelings of loss, where are they in their journey, understanding and caring about it is important and may help your relationship with your children. Would I really want to bring more pain to the family and use the excuse that he deserves to be happy as if the girlfriend is the only way a man of 76 could be happy? I cant see any woman except my mother as my mother. Its dragging me down, and I know things can be so much worse but I cant imagine him marrying this woman and her living among my mothers things, and even moreso, putting her own personal touch on this house. Hope these things give you some things to consider. i feel as though he hasnt repected me at all as hes skipped most of the important things in my life to constantly go visit her. January came and I continued to visit my mother. After chiding myself for all the things I could have done with my dad, and replaying every negative remark I ever said, I realized guilt is an emotion that is draining and is not conducive to feeling better. About 8 months or so ago, he informed me that he was going out-of-town to meet a woman he had meet on an online dating site who lived in a nearby town. Read a book, watch a movie, a ballgame, get online, visit a friend or family member. It is very sad, but after 2 and half years I havent been able to talk to them more than 2 times, they were reluctant to meet me.I believe that I am a good, caring person who loves their father and only want the best for them, if they only will give me a chance. It absolutely makes me feel like Im not wanted. Just make sure you give yourself the headspace to actually do it. For So Long, I Had Larry in My Ear In an exclusive clip from Hulus Stolen Youth docuseries, Larry Ray survivor Felicia Rosario opens up about the impact of his gaslighting. Its almost like hes loving that he gets a new woman. My Mom died December 7, 2008 after a 4 year fight with bone cancer. So much so that even when you spent time alone with him, he wasnt really there in spirit. I know I for one am still trying to adjust to life without my mom and dont need this added to my plate. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. I was 21. I dont think that is asking for much, but I am in a place now, where I think I am going to have to cut him out of my life. He is someone I enjoy spending time with and someone to hang out with. It could be argued that not being forced to entertain this stranger on an important family holiday would make you feel better! Since then weve had little positive correspondence and havent seen them for over a year. (I'm 23, if that counts for anything.) Hi guys, im super late to this post but just thought id share my experiences. NOW HE HAS TAKEN ALL THE MONIES OUT OF THE HOUSE MUM AND HE OWNED He constantly talks bad about my mom and then crys over my mom. When my sister died, my father filled out all of the paper work on his own, and it definitely made him more depressed. We were surprised, but happy for him if he was happy. I had a big talk with him over the holidays and told him how I felt. Sadly, Mom passed away in 2002 from that awful C wordCancer. My husband says this is normal for him and says that he is ok with it. The first person who extended his arms was my ex-boyfriend Nick, who had been there when my dad was first diagnosed seven years prior. Only told 1 sibling..I found out by mistake totally devastated.she has been hiding it and has now come out once again without telling her children and 4 stepchildren.the total disregard for feelings, honesty and integrity has consumed me and destroyed our relationship = perhaps for good. Through time she will heal, just help guide her there. Dont try to justify it. My parents were marred for 30 plus years. Or is too much? She doesnt want another master in his life. You can get A Nurse to visit the home 2-3 times a week and an Aide 3 times a week for bathing or bed baths. My point is- as we are accepting his new friend- we are not ready to meet her, or allow her to be a part of our family. Ive accepted that its okay to miss my dad deeply, and to be sorrowful that I didn't have a better relationship with him earlier in life. I know that for me there is a desire not to cross my fathers wishes. I feel the pain of all the daughters on this website and Im glad I found this site. I would never ever hurt any childs relationship with their parents for my happiness. See a pattern, most of the blogs are about dads who took up women for happiness or coping. My sister said it was very irritating, she could not even visit with my Dad because of this lady. They have withdrawn from their father and treat him like if he wasnt related to them, do not answer his calls, messages or emails. I know! Since I was in the kitchen most of the time cooking and preparing the meal, I didnt even get to talk to him at all. We are very compatible and truly love spending time together. 2. and died that following Monday (we let her go there was a machine breathing for her. I wasnt actively looking for anyone but the opportunity presented itself thru my church. I HAVE BEEN READING YOUR PAINFUL EXPERIENCES,MINE IS SIMIALR PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND THE PAIN IM IN.I HIDE IT NOW. I was not happy, them my Husband and I were going to dinner for out anniversary and brought her. One of her friends has a special arrangement with her new husband. I know it is 2017 now, and I too have lost my mother and have a 76 year old father who was comforted by a lady 10 years older than I and 10 younger than he, but no one can really understand the pain that comes in seeing your father with another woman after 55 years of marriage. I keep trying for my dads sake, but it hurts. Youre not doing anything wrong your timing is just off. Everybody has to eat, and it is an intimate exchange. My responsibility now, and mine alone, mostly, is to see that my children have the best chance of success in life. The worse she behaves and is allowed to behave by my father the more sorry he feels for her that she is disliked by so many from the shop assistants she abuses to both his and her families. We are who we are and we feel the way we feel. Not at all. Not so much anymore. It has gotten in the way of my grieving somewhat, but I am sure to take time for myself and allow myself to cry as often as I need to. She is also my age (53). I mean after all hes not just bringing her into his life, but mine as well. He broke when she died, but so did he. Does she pay rent? We are not trying to move me in the family home, nor is marriage even being discussed. Except for the fact that it was really hard to communicate with her because she spoke little English. People spend more time debating which car they will buy than Is this person suitable or are they just making themselves available?. I didnt want to do any of the above. My mom passed on in Jan/2009. August 31, 2013 at 11:59 pm. I even told my mom not to give me anything, because I knew my dad would be awful. I was not comfortable with the relationship however as suggested I tried to form a friendship. With 48, mom's still young , too, young enough to get a job. Is this legal? I would even approve of someone who is from our church- not some stranger who feels comfortable enough to fly over on a whim to visit an online friend or whatever so quickly. There was a lot more than that. They are not asking their parent to not see this person, they are just wanting their parent to understand that they are not ready to accept them into their lives- just yet. When I left my first wife and moved in with my (then) girlfriend to whom Im now married, my eldest son who was about 23 at the time, called me up He watched as she ruled the roost, assaulted, unplugged the phone and did all she could to be top dog and see his family pushed away. I miss my husband everyday and would love for my son to be able to grow up with his father, but I know my husband would want for my son to grow up with a happy mother. I can tell you these are things from which you cannot recover even if you are able to forgive. She got what she wanted.sadly, she was right! . From this minute I got there that morning, my sister was already there, and Dad he kept trying to rush the evadible . Its been a little over 4 years since my mothers death. Then in the late to early 2016 my Mom started loosing weight, Then she went to a gastric doctor who did test after test and said he saw nothing. Well he & Stepmother # 1 were married for 20 years when she passed away. Any girlfriends or new wives that are allowing their involvement to tear apart a family are also wrong and very selfish. He was the best father and husband I could ask for. But if you don't have advance notice (or that type of relationship), be gentle with yourself. Mumbling, repeating herself, not eating but complaining about her weight to everyone including fat people (95 pounds!!! However, she missed grocery shopping and cooking. I have been excluded from dinners and gatherings and it feels terrible. People grieve in different ways, but we all experience the pain, the hurt, the sad images that will haunt us probably for the rest of our lives, (it will get better ) the isolation, the depression, guilt, loss of direction, the anger, and the acceptance of what happened and the hope that things will be better in the future. My dad had threated to leave her a few weeks after this, she begged shed change and she told me TO BACK OFF IF I WANT MY FATHER HAPPY i did. Over the years, I worked through my grief over the loss of my mother and accepted my fathers marriage. WebAnswer (1 of 2): Do you want to? that is all fine & after a respectful time (my definition of this would be 6 months or more), than go for the intimate stuff. My dad isnt rich but has enough for his needs and has slipped money to me in the past to be kind to me. However, he has been pretending for the past few months that this older lady (probably about 10 years older than him) has just been buying gifts for my niece and making him food all the time because she feels sorry for our family. Good luck. I understand that, but it was still entirely too soon when he began a relationship months later, she moved into our house and slept on my moms side of the bed less than 6 months after my moms death, they were quickly engaged and married less than 20 months after my mom had died. There is no objective timeline that you can use to say it has been long enough, not long enough, etc. Nice. I know , not as terrible as it is for you, yes, because you lost your mother and now you feel you are losing your dad. Not only that, even if things got better between her and I, I would feel like a traitor to my own mother. I finally told him after going thru everything with him, that I need time and could not go thru her stuff anymore for awhile, until my sister got here. However, and I really hate this, the house will go to Ellen if my Dad predeceases her. We do not live together.We both had spouses that die under the terrible cancer disease. I found all of this out the first day of my last semester in college. No one HAS to be friends with anyone.. Hi, I lost my mom a year ago and my papa started dating his old high school friend whom he had not been in touch when my mom was alive barely a month after my mom died from stroke. WebAll families are different and all people handle mourning differently. His wife and you each have a different relationship with your father. They were married 34 years good relationship. I am torn. My struggle has always been how to care for someone who is so self-sufficient. He didnt tell me anything that he was doing or who he was with. Grief is a lonely road, and when we can help someone feel a little less lonely, were helping them I dont understand what my children are feeling because I have not lost a parent so to sit here and say that I understand what you are going thru I cant. I know that my dad harbors no ill will towards me for that. This has been going on for almost 2 yrs. You are still very young, and it's a very early age to lose a parent, so take time for yourself too. Just remember, Judi, the immediate family needs and deserves time before you can be accepted into their lives dont move in with Dad and dont allow Dad to move in with you and please My parents were married for 45 years and my mom died of colon cancer. who knows), but it gives me a bad feeling. No soon after my mom passed, my mothers 1st cousin started coming around. Im grown, so his actions should be of no concern to me! We were devastated and werent really allowed to grieve because he wanted us to be one big happy blended family. He says my Mom did this to us. Ive sought counsel elsewhere, in real life and on the internet, and it always amounts to a guilt trip: How dare I try to deprive my father of happiness? PRIOR TO MY MUM HAD DIED MY BROTHER MOVED IN AND MARRIED A PHILLPINE My mother had remarried after my father passed, and now it's just my step-father and I. The family has been told by word or deed that their pain and suffering is secondary to the new romance. Im an only child so hes all I have besides my husband and my daughter. We all want that. So here is my storymy mom died on oct 17, 2010 after battling cancer. She may start getting rid of. The trust has gone and the innocence. Dont get me wrong, there have been many bumps along the way, but we have always kept the big picture in mind. Thinking of you and understanding where you are at! They will barely speak to him, yet he continues to talk to them about her and asks them if they like her or tells them how much he wants them to like her. But what he doesnt get is that I dont want to talk to him in front of her. Web6.5K views, 109 likes, 83 loves, 0 comments, 3 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from ANIMI: 250 First off do you have to be the one to live alone? Issues like this will continue to arise, for example, when we begin having our own children, and we will continue to grow farther apart. And though hes a grown man who can make his decisions, the kids still deserved some consideration. So I let go of needing care to look a certain way in our relationship. This made my life about 1000x worse to make a long story short, the storm passed and my dad and Is relationship had gotten better over the two and a half years since my mommas passing, and thats what she wouldve wanted. My husband and I were so shocked that we got sick. This is a tough time, since you are grieving and also trying to help someone else who is grieving. Amen, Jodi! I wish now I would have gone nuts on him and really screamed to him what and how I really felt. Ive watched Ive watched several of your videos tonight. He said tonight you will not win this you will not run my life. I will always love him and be there for him, but I dont know him and to be honest, I feel like I lost both parents when my mom died. Reconciliation,would never be accompanied by any apology. True you may carry on regardless of their pain and there is no law which says you cannot but for this failure in good judgement there will be a penalty in the shock and lack of trust that will ensue. 755 Likes, 6 Comments - Shy Wolf Sanctuary (@shywolf_sanctuary) on Instagram: Raven was in need of rescue after her mom died and dad gave away all animals so that he could move He sent them to an auction house. I didnt want to but I thought Id try to be nice and meet her. My father said he did not want her to do it but he was 86 and she was 88. She and my father hid the severity of her initial diagnosis of stage iv for almost the entire illness (until it was undeniable). He and Mom were together for 35 years, so it had been a long time since he was alone. Posted November 9, 2013. Dear N, Shed tell me who she had spoken with that day and what she was watching on tv. My dad spends every waking minute with her when hes not working, and doesnt see me anymore and rushes me off the phone when I call him, and has almost completely quit calling me. They talk on the phone often and I believe he gave her a really nice Christmas gift! It was a shock!! When I wasnt in class, I was in the hospital talking to mom, watching her sleep, and helping her stay comfortable. However dont be mad at him for having a friend. Please Open the Door and the path to a renew relationship, to a new future together as a family. If he could build his separate relationship with us, the hostility towards his wife would fade and we would be much less resentful. Its during times of grief like these that we need the support of our family and friends, we dont need to be torn apart by it. When my father finally broke up with this woman, we begun to work on talking again slowly.He then began dating another woman, who I am not completely comfortable with but have learned after experiencing the loss of my spouse in 2008, that what my father said about loving my mother no matter what and that even though he choose to date again he would love my mother no matter what and would do anything to be with her again. My wife and our family never got to know here, as our children feel that he betrayed their grandmother in such a short time. For (mostly) financial reasons, my brother and I are still living with my father while we attend college. Are you my twin? She has no place to stay. 97,343 The three other suspicious deaths linked to killer Alex Murdaugh and his family She and my dad were married for over 54 years and had the picture of a beautiful, loving marriage, one that any couple would aspire to have. Ive never really been close with my father and this seems to be driving more of a wedge between us. Your mom sounds like someone who tries very hard to be self-sufficient - which means you may not know the extent to which she relied on your dad. I sometimes try to step back and look at both sides. She never actually had to block it because after she went for my sister we all decided she was so unstable and volatile it was not safe for us to go. He may back us financially (and again, I dont want to disregard his generosity here), but our relationship is suffering. I lost my mother unexpectedly over six years ago, when I was 17. When someone dies, especially a mother, the significant other isnt the only one to suffer a loss, it involves the entire family. We both knew it was her fault-she was just so stoned when we met her. There's nothing I can do to change the situation, so I'm kind of tempted to just accept it and try to move on. Unfortunately she has a big drinking problem, and after 9 yrs together my father couldnt support this any longer. If you are in college i recommend taking a semester off and finding a way to spend every waking minute with other people. My sisters and I will be there to support him and love him through it. You can petition the court to be named executor. I feel at this point that my dad died too. This is a different time of your life, a different love. My new GF is so understanding and does not want to replace my wife. I used to just let her say pretty much whatever she wanted, but Ive gotten to a point where if I dont agree with her, I just let her know it. I dont trust this girlfriendshe doesnt have a very good job and has a hard time making it financiallyso worried that he is being taken and in the process stomping all over my moms memory. Here's what I learned through the pain, and what I hope to share with others. I wont even go into the details of how he is doing EVERYTHING for this woman that my mom always wanted him to do and he didnt. My mum told me today that a friend she made not long after he I'm really really close with my dad, so I can't imagine how you're doing right now. Can not understand we dont need her in our lives. You could try writing a letter from yourself and your sister because he would have to read it and not interupt or threaten. She was an exceptional cook, kept a spotless house, and was his best friend. I will never tell them their feelings dont matter. She and my Dad had been married for 41 years and I have to credit him for sticking by her side through her long illness. How to raise chickens? After about two months, when I did actually want people to ask about my dad and to check in on me, I felt deeply sad that everyone had seemingly moved onand I was left painfully alone. Don't underestimate the importance of helping with little things. WE ARE IN OUR 70S! She might not come or she might take him to her home for several days until she was bored and then drop him back. Dads new GF is an unemployed alcoholic. My sisters have been amazing as well. This disease took her away from me as a wife. When we married we decided to make a go of things in the U.K as I was closer to my family than my husband was to his but people acted as if we were crazy to stay here! If the woman visits, she does absolutely nothing. I would follow them several paces behind when they went to the cemetery perhaps seeking absolution. You dont state his age but he may face old age alone. He wanted companionship. I get that, and its not that I expected him to never get married again or have a relationship with another woman, but it just seemed to happen so quickly for him. My wife passed away on February 22, 2014 after a very very long battle with alcoholism. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Oh honey, there's no such thing as grieving too much or too little. In my case it turned out not so okay. I will love him forever and no one will take his place. there is nothing you can say, but a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen will always help. She allowed him a small bag of his possessions and decided she did not want any cards or mail being sent to her house. There is no way your father can get you to accept this by threatening you. We all are just about as happy as we make our mind up to be. Anyhow, my 73 year-old dad seemed to move on rather quickly after my moms death. She knew her quite well and really does understand (as much as possible) what we went through. We, siblings were there daily for them as they went through this and Dad was very needy, calling me 3 to 4 times a day, wanting me to come over and sit with him. I dont know if this situation will ever be reparable. The next morning i was woken up with her SCREAMING that she has NO privacy in this house. We have tried talking to her about it and voiced our concerns. The woman I married and loved did not even resemble the women who died after nearly five years of illness. I never got to really have my father to myself growing up and even more now. Give her an official 30 day eviction notice and stand by it. My sister had to do that to our mother. That lady lived in my sisters second home, bu He has chosen her over me and Im in straight hell constantly being reminded of my moms death as she is living much better in my house with her nose in the sky and always wnjoying when me and dad fight cuz of her. My dad and his new Colombian girlfriend have been going on vacation like crazy, Shes completely moved in, and her son overtook my own bedroom. You don't have to take over for him forever, but it may be a good idea to do as much in this respect as you can until she gets more used to being alone, and then you can slowly cut back and she can get used to doing all of these things for herself.

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