The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. If that is not possible, it may be too late. Satan worked this into the sexual revolution and feminism (not that either were inherently bad) so that his message has overtaken THE Word of God that says tons of times to do it and do it often. And Ive been caught too. Why is it that Men are the ones left out in the cold Masturbating in the dark. That never goes away for most women or men. Wow!!! But you cant fix a problem if you dont know the cause. Its been a slow process in development, heading to the place we have arrived in our relationship. Sometimes a married woman isn't interested in having sex with her spouse because she's simply not in the mood right now. For many of us who have exhausted talking to our partners, asking to have their normal needs met, to be loved and shown love and to be valued and desired but have been met with silence, stares, okay, not interested, I am not in the mood or sleeping in separate rooms, your partner has betrayed your trust and your marriage with emotional and sexual blackmail. I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. Can we please talk about how we each feel about sex in our relationship? The man in solitary pleasure can flavour his immediate physical sensation with the remembrance of shared pleasures, whereas the woman in giving but taking no pleasure in sex finds her memories of shared pleasure to be sullied. Thats abusive and hurtful too. Just need the fortitude to go. I live in my garage, shop, apartment and happy as clam no yelling and name calling. Somehow I thought that would be my fix. I said no. I want to divorce my husband!!! Dang! Take time to learn about the secrets of sex all women wish men knew, learn your way around her body and plan a special evening together. But. So all should take care on this. Says I dont turn him on Im to fat. Amen. So not only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. I was sleep-deprived for the first four months, getting about three and half hours of sleep a night. After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. There are many reasons for vaginal pain, if indeed thats what shes experiencing, and getting the right medical help is essential. She said, YOU WILL LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN?! It will only create more distance between you. Sorry Mate. You need to know. If theres resentment in the marriage, its bound to manifest itself in a sexless marriage. No, I should say male divined WRONG! I havent found a way to replace that feeling of a man. Please help. We does not seeem to need to hug or cuddle either. When's the last time you two had a long, heartfelt conversation? Sex is a HUGE part of a marriage, are you kidding me? You definitely dont get it. Same exact situation here its a living hell! Harley, yeah I believe men are more likely to complain then women in places like this. He doesbt accept the limitations of my back injury. About 10 % Love 90% Hate. Meanwhile, I encourage you to keep masturbating. I love it communicate, tell her how you feel. If your wife wont have sex, it could be that she just doesnt feel close to you anymore, and the idea of being intimate makes her feel too vulnerable. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. Men you just need to treat her like you used to treat her before you married her every day and she will keep treating you like she did before you married her. And I suffer. When your partner wont touch you, there could be infidelity involved, 6. Hello David, I think it is very selfish. So, before you start saying things like, My wife never touches me anymore, and misunderstand the problem that youre actually facing, its vital that you try to focus more on why your wife never initiates physical contact. So, Thomas maybe your right they must be doing it wrong. They complain that the wife was open to sex anytime anywhere when they were dating but it all changed after kids were born. When your partner wont touch you, its important to take a look at any mental health issues that may be affecting them. In such cases, it is imperative to get the right kind of help and hold your wifes hand through this extremely challenging journey. It wasnt until I got married at age 40 that I realized that my problem probably wasnt sexual boredom but something else. 24 years younger than I. Take care of your body and mind! . 3. You say you dont know if youre doing foreplay right. Noah loves to write on matters of the heart and mind. Its maddening! Yes it seems so mechanical and cut and dry the way some men are, so no sex is much more appealing. Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? Im mid 50s married man who has ED and low T. I have always had a lower desire. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. We have not slept in the same room for years because of his snoring. Too bad, b/c I think Id be better for him than she could ever be. Why do you think Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got divorced?? . }; Is it something we should split over? Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy, 11 Lovely Ways To Date Your Spouse Spice Up YourMarriage, 200 Newlywed Game Questions For That Instant Bonding, 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation, Why Is Marriage Important? Most women, especially in our age group, only experience responsive desire. We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. That communication will be open and honest, and circumstances in lifegood or bad, should never break this mutual promise. Im in the same situation with my overweight, lazy, 48 year old wife. There were a lot of issues toward the end of our marriage, and we divorced. Either something happened that made her feel that way or shes lying. All information is confidential. Or some reasons could be the female body experiencing pain, limitations, hormonal imbalances, etc. An underlying, undetectedmental health issue can affect sex drive. To answer your question from my 69-year old, male POV: In the real world things are very different. It literally saved my marriage and maybe my life. If I was better looking and could make the time to find a willing partner Id do it because sex has dwindled a lot in the last ten years. Stayed for the kids (gone now) and because I dont WANT to be divorced but I am so painfully alone. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. Due to bi-polar, I have had a strong sex drive since I can remember. I said I am a human male and I have basic needs. Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. I get tired of waking up because I realize Im having an erotic dream and humping the bed. Home Articles Marriage Sex 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. * THE SECTION BELOW TO INSERT DYNAMIC VALUES FROM YOUR Not the husband its always the mom. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. One of the top sexual concerns women have is feeling self-conscious about their own bodies during sex. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. I hear a lot of men on here talk of leaving their wives over this. I felt like she just gave me away to anyone emotionally and physically. She is unhappy with your lack of hygiene, 12. My husband and I have been married 6 years. Really connect. She told me a few years ago that she felt sorry for me because of her lack of sexual desire. If youre living with a gut feeling that your wife avoids intimacy on purpose, it may be time to take matters into your hand to rejuvenate your relationship. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. Either her body and hormones are so off that she needs the support of . But, here we are with 13 grandchildren from the strong marriages of our 9 surviving children. Have you ever considered WHY your wife doesnt want to have sex anymore? * LEARN WHY DEFINING THESE VARIABLES IS IMPORTANT: Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. You're correct about that. From so many different angles I cannot begin to list. 2. She says she loves me but cant stand to touch me. All that said, unless your wife has a known health condition that she's currently managingor she's had a very sudden and significant change in her sex drivedon't assume that her lack of interest in having sex with you means something is medically wrong with her. I would be gone before dark! She has become a roommate and a friend, but not a wife that gives me the joy and love we used to have. The only thing I have now is masturbation about 3 times a week. Lowered estrogen can also cause her libido to lag. Im 69 and still active. Id rather die than lose him. Your wife has become conscious of her body, 8. She told me that women need estrogen their whole lives, not just up to menopause. The thing thats in the way the most for me ISNT all the atrophy, the breast surgery, the continuing oral chemo therapy, the fatigue that I have. We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. Dont you dare accuse all men of being selfish and unhelpful. Lets separate then.NO! Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. Right now Im going on over three months since shes wanted sex. What shes done to me all these years was downright evil ! Im just not happy & want much more for in life. 2. Its is not your role. Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. I cant do that, divorce right away. My sex drive is strong but now my boyfriend, who is 5 years older than me, is on hypertension medicine and his testosterone is on the last number of normal. I tried internet sex and while interesting it is not enough. I was in bed for a week with complications and ended up in the ER and the doctor said given my reactions my risk for stroke is 25% higher using Testosterone but I still get told I need to think of her and give it another try. Im not really sure if you can put any one word to it. Im really suffering. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! Some older couples and married partners with physical disabilities make it work every day and have a satisfying relationship. So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. . We now live in a society that it is selfish or disrespectful for a man to insist or ask for sex. That partner depriving you of that intimacy does not give a damn what you do just as long as you do not bother them about it or it interferes with their favorite TV show! Let the in-laws or best friend care for your children for a day or two. So therapy would be out of the question, and shed never think about going on anything like low dose hormone therapy. Put simply, she needs me as a caregiver and husband, as our son and 5 grand kids moved away for church school 2 years ago. Q: My wife, late 40s, has been experiencing early menopause for a couple of years. And I love doggie! I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. So as partners age, sometimes we have to stop asking for what is too painful for them to give. I am 60 soon and dread having to try and start again. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. There are many men, myself included, who desire far more than just a quick physical release, and who see their wife as a partner in a shared loving experience, not a living sex toy to use and the put away once satisfied. I cant believe a respected Sex Therapist has Keep Masturbating as an answer. I suggest that you forget about sex and focus more on hugging, cuddling and kissing. Im just trying to talk to her and it pisses her off anytime I bring it up Im tired of masturbating two to three times a week so I can focus on the everyday things Im going on 33 years of marriage and this started at 15 years. The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. If your wife is avoiding sex, the emotional connect is missing, 5. I was active outside a few times with permission, after 7 years of zero sex, and was not having problems engaging in it, but that had to stop when I tried to help a person I was seeing was caught. 2. Sounds like you should try therapy. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. (d.head || d.body).appendChild(s); Holy Cow, I have about had it. Is this the same advice you would give a man that is in a sexless marriage? Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. Where is my man who would COOK, and have me for dessert?CLEAN! He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. So, heres what I did. Its dinner cooked and eaten together, with enjoyment on both sides. If you must you could think castration out of love. At age 69, were certainly way beyond the procreation stage. However, if the unfortunate situation arises where your wife never initiates physical contact because shes having an affair, you need to deal with it gently. At first when we were dating this were fine. So we settle. Now whats so hard about that. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. We used lubricant but it still wasnt very effective the last time. And there is another problem: When two people dont want the same things in the marriage or relationship (like trying to fix what is wrong), then there is often no solution other than plodding along as before. But I have my workshop where I fix cars and my wood shop. My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. I love her but I need sex I cant survive with masturbation, being with a woman and everything that goes with it is so important to me. However I worked as much at home since someone had to do it. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. I love him and want to please him even if I feel nothing or just help him reach release. Just had to compliment you on what you are doing for your husband, and I agree that sex makes you feel young again, and believe when you say that your whole body feels like youre in your 20s again. While I understand where you are coming from, what if (as in my case) it is a physical.problem that is the cause. Absolutely! I am a man who has been married for 48 years and to read The man must rule by demanding to get what he wants suggests a serious mental illness. We males, as the so perceived alphas in these situations, just accept and go along with the flow without ever considering the other; the what if . Now Im in my mid-50s, but have no problems whatsoever getting primed for sex. After 8.5 years in my sexless marriage, I almost found the phrase Youve both gone so long without sex together funny, though it is far from that. Ask your wife what she likes and what would be sexy and pleasurable for her. But she works in a male-dominated field and loves to flirt this drives me bat shit crazy as I know I will never be there with her again. I too have never cheated. That being said, my wife and I married young. Divorce isnt either Im not ever going to hurt her. If done with the full knowledge of both partners, and always using safe sex, this would provide another solution to their dilemma. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. Tried Testosterone replacement but it made me very sick and ended up in the emergency room with complications . I like cuddling. Ill be living in a van down by the river if we separate. 10. No, on a serious note, it wasnt something to have posted here. But after our second kid it just dried up to not much. This could be a reason why your wife avoids sex. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. aids that i bought. All he needs is that wonderful little blue pill. And that's perfectly fine! Want to continue the conversation? He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. At your age, dont run until you exhaust all your options. My grandma used to tell me, You cant fix broken people. Slept in basement for a few years until I built my own space that had an apartment and work shop. See all of Joans advice in Sex@Our Age. It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. The wife does not want to start sex and me asking her OVER and OVER and OVER got to her and her rejections and excuses got to me felt like there is always some excuse. The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. I hear you sister, I am only 52, husband is same age. /** Life is so wonderful! This kind of if the man would only be more __ advice saturates the internet and its usually written by people with degrees instead of wisdom. (she has seen a councelor) and she this has gone on for years and may take years to heal and maybe I will never heal. I know that it sounds crazy but I never thought about it but that part of our problem came to a head after our 35 year old son (our only child) was killed in an on the job accident. All through this past Covid year, only one time did she come forward an say I need a hug. I worked sat and sun all holidays and gave away vacation. I was disabled when she met me, so Im it cant be because of money. But here I sit.pissed off. John, where do you live, and do you play golf regularly without your wife ? Her body, emotions, and mind were changing. The dog loves her. Your Wife Seems Uncomfortable When You Initiate Foreplay. "Having small children is a frequent and legitimate excuse for not having sex.". Yow..I am a 32 year sober alcoholic and thought I had a slight case of ED..but the mens clinics determined thats not the case..its the flat and lifeless attitude I am getting from my wife that kind of keeps things limp. I am 64 now and have had some vaginal atrophy, which made penetration hurt, but I take a vaginal pill twice a week. What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. Ive been teaching this to other young men for some time. I wont lecture: youve all read about it. Wow. Seems to me that sex is more important to most guys than it is for a woman. Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. Any discussion goes nowhere. If your penis does not work, attempt to fix it. You have put up with so much bull shit it is sickening. It sounds like there are many many committed marriages but seemingly to unwise and probably unloving spouses. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. But wasnt it lovely when we were young and lithe and our bodies would do anything we asked of them? I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. I love my wife even if we have not had sex for close to 6 years. I try to get used to it. Two lovers need boundaries to choose their path. On fantasy world would be 24/7! Most importantly, talk to her about it! Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. And Marley, I deeply sorry for your situation. So I explained this to her and said if she cannot work it out with me I would have to find some other way. I do not understand why they got married in the first place!!! Why is a mans focus so connected to his ability to use a womans body to empty the contents of his balls? From work deadlines to zoom meetings to bosses to deal with, teams to manage, kids to raise, meals to cook, chores to do, errands to run and the billion other things your wife has to handle, she may just be too exhausted to even think about sex. If I threw a fit, she would allow it but Buck is correct, who wants to have sex with someone who is repulsed by the act of sex. Its incredibly painful!!!! Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. Im 15 years younger than my husband. 3, stop calling her names and no more fights with give you more chances of having sex with her that night. But we didnt know what we had. 60s, 70s. Also, look into the idea of responsive desire and make sure you understand it. Im 65, shes 70. With my wife it was menopause.
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my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore
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